Thursday, October 1, 2009

Nate “Sex Maniac with an Undefined Job or Two” Green vs. Arainey “Non Sex Addict Cab Driver” Green

In a simplistic sense, the Green case is about $875 since man got friends to vandalize woman’s car on his behalf. But nothing Divorce Court is what it seems.
I’ll let Nate break it on down first: “I’m a man. I like my house clean. I like have my friends can come over. The house was extremely dirty all … tha … time. Now, I try to get the cable on for the kids ‘cause I get tired of watching regular TV. I tell er-body to clean the house ‘cause I didn’t want the man to see our …. Roaches, the man moved the chair BLAWW, roaches ery-where.”
Let’s segue into BLAWW what Arainey don’t like about her ex-man: “He’s a cheatin’ dog. He likes to cheat. Can’t stick with one person.”
It’s worth noting that the camera shifts back to Nate when Arainey’s saying all this. And what’s Nate doing? Oh, he’s grinning ear to m’f’in ear. Playa. Playa. Playa.
“I caught him coupla times cheatin’. One day, me and my mom was going to Hooters …” For the wings, I presume.
“… to watch wrestlin’ with my kids, cause my kids like to wrestle …” Day-um, well I’d like to do some wrestling at Hooters too, nawmean, Arainey? So anyway, long story short: She went up in to Nate’s job to get a key to their place and he wasn’t there. So she took her mama’s car and “went to a neighborhood I thought he was at. … So I rolled up. He looked over at me said ‘Oh snap,’ he in the car with another woman. She jumped out the window and ran up to her porch.”
I needn’t point out how rad that is in a Bo-ette and Luke Duke sense, though I don’t think Arainey’s truck was all Gen. E. Lee’d up. But it still beckoned one of the best exchanges I’ve seen up in Judge Toler’s courtroom. To wit:
“Er-body know me. My name is Nasty Nate. Nate Dawg. … I have sexual needs. I have a strong sexual desire. She don’t have it. She would rather go six months without sex, then sit there think I’m gonna deal with this. I don’t do that. What she don’t do, someone else will. I told her that in a nice way. Sat down and talked to her.”
“He didn’t tell me. He showed me.”
“I showed her what I wanted.”
“He didn’t tell me all dat. Instead of him telling me, he went out and did it.”
“You want me to stay home, you have to do certain things. Because if you don’t I will find somebody else that will.”
It was then established that it’s against Arainey’s religion to do the stuff that Nate needs. This made me wish D.C. was on Cinemax. For two reasons:
 What is it exactly that Nate wants to do but his wedded wife ain't doing?
 What religion do those things violate? I can’t imagine it’s Mormon or Rastafarian. Those people are into all sorts of nastiness, methink.
An intriguing prospect, to say the least. And if you happen to know either Nate or Arainey, by all means, share the 411 in the comments. Hell, if Nate or Arianey are all googling to see whether they hit the blog bigtime, email me for an interview.
I won’t be able to sleep at night till I have these answers.

Fun feature: Judge Toler has adjusted the call in segments to pertain to the cases themselves. Today's question: "Nate says that his wife should have sex with him whenever he wants. From what you're hearing to do you agree?" "Call toll-free 1-800-282-1991 to give your opinion to our litigants."
Me? Hell to the yes Arainey should be following Nate's every perverted whim! Otherwise, he might knock another lesbian co-worker up. Yes, that's right, I wrote "another" "lesbian" "knock(ed) up."


  1. Its possible that she is muslim and doesn't believe in anal sex?

  2. At the risk of igniting another religious war, Muslims aren't into assplay?