Monday, October 5, 2009

Jimmy "A Positive" Kearney vs. Bionica "O Positive" Lamar

So here's what I really dig about Divorce Court: One question out Judge Lynn Toler's mouth and the game is on. Take today, for instance, when she asked Jimmy why he wanted a divorce. He didn't come up with no excuses; he said it like it is. To wit:
"You know what, I want a divorce from her because her son Jaydyn is not mine. ... Yeah, 'cause he not mine! ... I got A positive blood. She got O positive blood. And he come out with B positive blood. Man. Huh? Buh buh buh because she a cheater! She been cheating with me (undiscernable stream of words which Bionica just looks down and shakes her head). Look at (what sounded like "my chai). He bright skinned it. He got brown hair. He got brownish hair. I got black hair."

Mr. Kearney then went on to share a story about how a neighbor told him she "was looking at him all crazy" because, well, hell, I really couldn't understand it. But apparently it had something to do with Bionica going and banging some dude everytime she and Jimmy get into a fight. That's a problem because, as per Jimmy, they fight often. But he "don't care."
As per Bionica, however, it's all lies, he don't trust her and he ain't worked in a year.
And he said he didn't work because she's always fighting with him. And she says Jimmy gets her sister Katina Kearney into the fighting mix (she sent a tape encouraging Bionica to get divorced and stop picking up the phone calling their house because "we frankly don't give a damn." HOT DAMN, KATINA!)
And Jimmy don't want to be paying $1,140 for child care for a six-month old that ain't his.
And Bionica cops to having said "someone else has my heart" in front of Jimmy's family.
Blah, blah, blah.
All of that detail's for naught because Judge Lynn's got a doctor to talk about blood typing and a DNA test. First, came Dr. Pamela Davis who was asked whether it's possible for A positive and O positive peoples to create a B positive child: "No, that's not possible."
OH SNAP! Yet, Bionica says she's not concerned with the news since she knows that it's Jimmy's son. "I ain't trippin," she notes.
Anyway, Jimmy 'splains that he knows his blood type because of both "science" and "eighth grade." You know what's coming, right? That's right, Dr. Davis took his blood for typing, and he came up ... B. That's right, B. And man, you shoulda heard the audience laughing. Hell, you should've heard me laughing.
Baby boy's his.
Godspeed, Jaydyn. You'll need it.

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