Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Jessi Jacobus vs. Jeremy Jacobus

Talk about a boring case.
Wah, hubby gambles a lot with our bill money.
Wah, wife is banging her personal trainer.
Fine, I guess it ramps it up a little bit when a) it's stated that hubby ran up a $25K loss in Palm Springs or somewhereorother and wife hanged a sign for the personal trainer who was (allegedly) taggin' dat ass in their car window. (The sign's in the window; not dat ass.)
And it's a little quirky that Jeremy's all "I want $920.80 for half of the personal-trainer fees" and Jessie's all "I want $750 to repair the dent Jeremy put in my car when he found out I was trampin' about." (She says, however, that it's a six-day-a-week boot-camp. Aw yeah, that's a good cover story!)
But, it's not up to Divorce Court snuff when:
-- Woman complains man plays around like a kid, with his kids, when they go to the grocery and/or fling yogurt on her "beautiful hardwood floors."
-- Woman whines that man lets kids parachute out the second floor with plastic bags.
-- Man bitches that woman wouldn't let him go camping with his "bad influence" friends but can go with her friends.
-- Man cries that woman broke her laptop because she "had to get his attention somehow."
The plus side? It's square-shaped:
1) Jeremy said he listened to New Edition. (He didn't talk songs, but "If It Isn't Love" is probably my favorite of all songs in musical history.)
2) Jessi's pretty hot, in a "pole-dancing recent-year(s) resume entry" kind of way, which made the 22 minutes minutely bearable.
3) Jeremy said they're "back on the better path now." In Divorce Court. Just before he carried on about her getting more than just a little strange.
4) And, when Jessi bitched that he just dropped $1,500 the other day, the conversation veered toward how he gambles at work. The exchange included this:
Jessi: "I work hard for my money."

Jeremy (seconds later): "Once everyone leaves, boom, lights out, we play sometimes. My coined nickname (air quotes made) is the Grand Master of Poker. But they all make fun of me. I take all of their money. So we drink at work and play poker. So what?"

Jessi: "WHAT?"

Judge Lynn: "I'm done. I'm done. I'm completely done. And you should be done too."

Jessi: "Oh, I've been done."

Me too, as far as being done with the Jacobuses. (Or is it Jacobi?)


  1. your fuckin dumb bitch

  2. Hey, don't talk about my wife that way! I love her and you should know all is well!!! You may find that our saga is quite interesting beyond Divorce Court. If you are savvy enough, check us out!