Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Monroe v. Monroe

Been a long time, but Fox29 in Philly not only switched the Divorce Court starting time (from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.) but went from a twofer to just one episode, and that one episode has been a whole lotta reruns lately. It saddens me. But it makes me cherish the days when we meet people like Erica and Harold Moore.

As you can see above, Erica's borderline gingre and Harold, well he sports two silver hoop earrings and a douchey lil manpatch upon his chin. And, from everything I heard over the 22 minutes in court, these were not good people.

Let's start with Erica, whom Harold took to calling "Inspector Gadget," because once he started checking out the porn sites on the old computer machine (and talking to porny ladies therein on his mobile phone), Inspector Gadget took to spying on him and reviewing his correspondences and cell-phone records.

But what struck me more about Erica's inspectory ways was Harold saying his naked pursuits arose -- get it? -- when she came home one day and noted, "she wanted to see other people" while remaining married, of course. (She was a customer service agent and this other people was one customer whom, I presume, she wanted to service effectively.) Well, that and the "boredom" around the house drove Harold to cheat. Or, as Erica puts it, he not only "became distant" but he talked to another girltoy for "143 minutes" one month. ONE FORTY THREE, yo! Not sure if that was more or less offensive than when Harold banged Erica's cousin. "Yes I did," hoop-earringed guy said. TWICE, yo! "I wanted to give her something to look for."

Touche, Harold.

But, the both of you should never be allowed on TV again. In fact, they should revoke your procreation license. And now, for Divorce Court call-in advice:

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