Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Michael Sally vs Irene Sally
Right out tha gate I was loving me some Michael Salley. Specifically, Michael Salley's "poof poof" magic trick in which he did a hand gesture twice while saying "poof poof" because he thought that'd make Irene disappear. That's some rad shit right there. Rad shit.
So anyway, Irene's all suing for daycare and Michael's all saying kid ain't be his. Claims he moved out to Cali, out to Cali, out to Cali, from Memphis to do right by her. But, after a week he knew she was gonna done do him wrong.
Well Irene's all glaring and laughing and shaking her head at ery-turn. She done programmed the remote to only let the TV tune to channels and shows she like. "I love Spongebob," says Michael. (Porno control, for the kids, she says.)
She also put a lock on the electrical box to keep the utility bills down and teach all of 'em that she meant it when she said turn the lights out when you leave the room.
And, says Michael, closed the kitchen when he was trying to make a sandwich after 8 p.m. That was the cleanliness cutoff.
This dame, she cold-hearted.
When Michael done met her, she had one foster kid. When he moved out to Cali to be a better dude, she had five. "She went and got some more. She got extra kids!" Well, he's got two of his own "by ring." Irene says she likes helping teenage girls. I'm sure a lot of my readers do as well, so that cool. At no point does Michael seem absolutely certain of how many children he has. He's a laundry attendant, too.
Oh, it keeps going.
She tried to get Michael a job "on the Internet ... but I'm not going to dress up like Chuck E. Cheese. There are some things I won't do!"
Then, he explains that she went to Louisiana for three weeks and came back pregnant. (I thought that happened to everybody, no?)
When she had the kid, she says he said, "I'm gone. I'll holler." Michael says he did NOT walk out. That he "escaped."
He claims Irene actually ate his birth certificate. "He had, in our closet, it was a walk-in. He had all these papers on the floor and I'm a nit-pick, I like a clean house," Irene retorts. "I told him if you don't get 'em up, I'm'a throw 'em in the trash. NO! He didn't want to pick em up. So I start pickin em up. ... They in the trash now."
She once called the cops saying he was holding her hostage. The rub: He was in Memphis. She was in California.
Oh, that DNA test? Kid's his.
Ironically, I sense a lot of love amid the chaos in Judge Toler's room this day. They gonna end up banging again. Bet.
Poof, poof. Hickey out.