Thursday, November 5, 2009
Cheryl Ling vs. Chris Roth ***With an Update**
I imagine this is what Neil Armstrong felt like when he took those first human steps on la luna, or Edison when he got that jolt. Even three seconds into the intro, this was the case I was meant to blog about. Nay. This is the case I was born to blog about. (If such woefully uninspired
Let's start with some politically incorrect initial observations: I was thinking that they met either a) online b) through a mail-order-bride catalog or c) at a massage parlor. Their relationship was loving enough that he'd invested in an enhancement or two, three, hell-if-I-know for her. I suspect that this rendered him unable to go to that year's Renaissance Faire, where each year he tries to up his game as something along the lines of an Orc, or a misunderstood magician. Hard to know for sure.
Then she starts shrieking. Cultural differences that he doesn't respect. "He's a bigot. He does not understand my Chinese culture."
"Well, we're in the United States," he chimes in after some hardly intelligibility out of Dame Ling.
Looking at her is like looking at one of those picture-in-a-picture things. But looking at him, he's creepy. And he seems paranoid. Skinny, but jowly. He's got coin. He got the opposite of augmented.
Then it goes off the rails.
Her panto-screeching. She said she eats steak and potatoes sometimes. Then, she breaks out a duck-head: "I know. It does. NoT looK thaT PRUE-EETY but if you EAT duCK MEAT, this is just PART of DUCK which happenstobe a HEAD, it doesn't lookverygood, [undecipherable]."
Judge for yourself...
... Then, it was a chicken claw. "Black folks eat chicken feet, right," interjects Judge Toler. "I mean," hands involved in the conversation, "It's part of our thang. We do do that."
Hoof of pig, "which is called a hog."
"If you eat ham, which you do eat ham, you eat ham. If you eat ham I don't see any reason you can not eat a pig feet."
Then, it's his turn. She won't hold his hand in public. She disrespects people in clubs when she's dancing with "her wild moves."
That, apparently, is baloney or bologna. But not really. They got tossed from the bar. I can't imagine why.
Well, 12 minutes in, Cheryl has morphed into the Full Metal Jacket hooker once they make the transition to what I think was Hanoi? The love-you-long-time one. She dances around in a circle as the audience and judge clap along and Go Girl'er.
He brings her naughty unmentionables in in a purple bag. (She dragged the stand flailing to grab stuff; she says the pink body thong is his: "He wear it! AHHHK!")
She brings an autographed White Jesus card into the mix. She recites some of White Jesus gridiron statistics.
And by the end of it, I thought, for a split second, that her facial bones had shifted. Chalk it up to life's mysteries.
They must've met in a parlor.
I googled Chris and Cheryl. This is what I came up with: