Monday, October 12, 2009

Tasha "Lime Green" Parker vs. James "Eight Meals" Parker


So this chick Tasha Parker, is wearing a whole lotta lime green -- like Deco arthouse lime green. She wants to divorce her husband because he's increased in waist size from a size 34 to a size 52. "Little Debbie to Big Debra," she says by way of an explanation that didn't explain a damn thing.
This chick Tasha Parker, well, she's roomy. Like, six-apartment-in-a-building roomy. Like, her own zip code roomy.
Which is to say the pot hath spoken to the kettle.
This James Parker guy, his wife doesn't even cook for him. This is a dedication to eating that I haven't seen since Wing Bowl. This James Parker guy, I dig when he says, "I might eat a lot, but she talk too much. Drives me crazy."
To which Tasha said, "I talk so much cause he eats so much. He eats at:
8 a.m.
10 a.m.
12 p.m.
1:45 p.m.
5 p.m.
9 p.m.
12:30 a.m.
1 a.m.


Now, the 12:30 and then 1 thing? I don't get it. But when James responded, "I'm hungry now" he won my respect.
And, Tasha's whole, "I'm just sayin', I got, my vows was to love and cherish him and till death do us part. Not to eat us out of a house and a home.
"He eat so much I put a lock and chain on the refrigerator."
"Lock and chain," interjects James. "Lock. And. Chain. I cut it off."
Tasha then aired a surreptitious video she'd taped of James sleeping and snoring, which prompted James to say that Tasha always acts embarrassed to be out with him in public. She rations her love, he says.
This makes me sad. So very, very sad.

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