Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Lori Tracy vs Daymon Tracy
I knew this day would come. We all knew this day would come.
Yes, there was a Divorce Court case hinging on the fact that the lady of the duo likes her cats too much. I wish her name had been Cathy, but it was Lori Tracy. And Lori Tracy was suing for $1,223.46 for "cat support." Meanwhile, hubbo listed "she's crazy about cats" as the impetus for their parting. She retorted that he's "dumber than a box of rocks ... mama's boy." False pretenses drew her to the altar 2.5 years ago.
Matrix Lee and Pisces, those are the cats' names. They can't be more mouthy and annoying than their mom, whose yelling and hollering made me want to duct-tape either her mouth or my ears shut. My soul is pissed off at me for subjecting it to Lori and Daymon, even if her former "baby" Max died the day after they got married. She says that one of the cats would sit on Daymon's shoulder like a parakeet. Never, not even if I would live to 136 years old, would I have concocted that image in writing. I'll steal it, you wait and see.
So anyway, Lori told Judge Toler that Daymon cheated on her. He came home one day and said he met a new girl. She's 60. Under normal circumstances, I'd call it a foul. But nah, if it took a grandmama to take his mind off the scratching-chalkboard voice and a sleepwalking disorder in which she dressed a cat in Daymon's clothes and wanted to go shopping, so be it. Whether Lori Tracy is an honor student at the online university or not. She wants to become a prison psychologist. She broke out an ethics book to call Daymon out for his lyin' cheatin' ways.
The worst part of this all? Even though Daymon looks like the central-casting version of "Guy in Van at Playground Asking Kids to Help Him Find His Lost Puppy," I can't say that. Like yesterday with the dude whose biggin wife called him out for weight, I just feel sorry for him. The laughing audience, though, I'll bet they're still telling er-body they know about it.