Monday, September 28, 2009
Mari Cole vs. Eddie Cole
Yes, it's a safe bet -- after checking out those pictures atop these words -- that I think well-dressed Eddie Cole's mustachio is totally, unequivocally Boss. This is the truth. But from what Mari's saying right out the gate, Eddie is most certainly not as boss as his virile stash.
Take the wedding night, for instance. Eddie got into a knock-down drag-out with one of the two sons deemed, by Mari, as gangsters. "I went to the phone to call the police to try and break it up," Mari says, "and another family member ... grabbed a pan and cracked me upside the head with the pan and I still got the scar to prove it to this day! I shoulda left him that night."
"I wish she woulda left me that night," Dapper Ed said, gesticulating (if that means making rehearsed hand gestures. "I knew the marriage was over when that happened."
So, just a recap: New bride gets headsmacked with pan. New husband knew relationship was doomed ... before the reception.
That's just plain awesome.
Big picture, it seems that Daddy's Lil Rugrats can't do no wrong in the Proud Papas eyes, even when he bails them up out of the jails and prisons. Rugrat Nicolas Cole testified via video that Mari "needs to grow up, accept that my dad is not gonna forget about is kids and that's all I got to say about Mari." I wish I heard more but I was transfixed on the mongo zit on Nicolas' forehead.
Listen, Mari is probably regretting that time has rendered her non-pole-worthy so she's as charming as a double-wide welcome gnome but Eddie, man, he reminds me of Zed as in "Zed who keeps The Gimp in the basement." Not cultured enough to sew a lady suit, nor reasonable enough to realize discipline is part of effective maturation. A dozen minutes in, Eddie defends his 16-year-old for getting pinched on armed-robbery charges. He has a point, though, when he says her "thug" accusations don't contribute to a showing-respect willingness on behalf of thee Cole boyz.
Other fun facts:
-- Mari wants $1,800 in reimbursements for the 12 rings she was forced to pawn. It looks like she used the ring money to get "motel room, gas for the truck and food."
-- She's called the cops on Eddie so often that the lawmen said if she cries wolf again, she's going downtown. (Well, downboondocks.)
-- They agree that Mari's a hot-head.
-- She says "suh-pose-uh-blee."
-- Say what they will about Eddie, though, but his stash is still boss.