Friday, August 28, 2009

James Rivers vs. Marie Rivers

This is a bittersweet day. On the one hand, we have a Divorce Court proceeding involving a dude who claims a dudette tried to run him over with a car and a dudette who allegedly tried a dude over with a car. And, let's face it, that is rad.
But at the same time, my BlackBerry's zapped and I can't snap-and-email pictures of the participants. The words will have to suffice.
So, James is the kind of guy who looks like a blend of Tex Cobb and Jame Gumb (aka Jamie Gumb, John Grant) and Marie looks like, well, a gingery Catherine Martin, pre-getting-Precious-into-the-well.
What we have here is a shotgun wedding that devolves into a post-first-year loveless marriage. Marie's "not much of a housekeeper. Adds James, "I don't really like waking up to roaches on my face."
Meanwhile, James brings his sub-18-looking, foot-and-a-half-shorter girlfriend Ashley Hinton to court. It's fitting, since she moved into that loveless home. I'm not sure how that makes James better equipped to handle a screaming-for-mommy-all-the-time 2.5 year old, but hey, the freaky menage potential's there. So they got that going for them. (Side note: Judge Lynn was also worried about the NAMGLA potential here and Ashley noted that she was 22, before complaining about the home's cleanliness. You go girl.
But then Lynn got all like, how dare you criticize when James' wife is supporting you and your boyfriend of three years. Get of the high horse, Yer Honor. I mean, Marie nodded her head yes when James started talking about almost getting smoked by a "V-8 going about 90."
She was mad, yes, "but she didn't hit him."
Ergo, I don't see why James is on the hook for the $93.58 cable bill, especially when James and Ashley aren't planning to get married. Ashley has dreams of being an actress and will not go home to her parents "comfortably" since Daddy Nurse Anesthetists is stubborn and tried to foist his dreams upon her. And if that doesn't have true romance written all over it, nothing does.
It is so ordered.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!!! i totally know these ppl!!! LMAO you have no idea how CRAZY this "family" is.....

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